Yes, The Lowered Bar is MAGA Friendly

 

It has come to my attention that there is a bunch of fake news circulating about The Lowered Bar. I would like to take this opportunity to clear the air and spread some alternative facts. Especially before the weekend rush.

The mainstream media will have you believe The Lowered Bar is not MAGA friendly. This is 100% untrue, another lie spread around the mainstream media. In fact, we have a dedicated MAGA Annex for our red hat wearing friends. Follow me for the tour.

You’ll be happy to know the Annex has it’s own entrance for your convenience. Just look for the sign

For the safety or our MAGA snowfl…uh customers, we have a different door policy. We don’t ID wink wink. However, we won’t admit independent women, the dirty Blacks, gays, the dirty illegals (they stay in the kitchen, just like at Maralago), non-Christians, anyone ANTIFA, the dirty poors, Iranians, doctors, scientists, scholars, college graduates, the dirty libtards and any Dems.

Past the door, we have a curated experience just for you. All TVs show Fox News all the time. On the walls, you’ll see newspaper headlines and pictures of His Holiness along with the most attended inauguration ever! Lots of Redskins memorabilia. Good luck trying to find a windmill in this room, hell we removed all the fans because we don’t want our dear patrons getting cancer.

I think we all remember the bigly inauguration. 

No fake news here!

You’ll also feel at home with the 10 Commandments prominently displayed. Although some rascal sneaks in and constantly defaces it by writing “HE BROKE THEM ALL!”

Also, no factual newspapers allowed. Instead, we have lots of Bibles. And not just any Bible friends, no, no, no. We have the official God Bless the USA Bible that our King just happened to endorse for $300k. We have lots of great debate over how many Commandments our King has actually not broken.

More fun elements for you: constant air freshening. We don’t serve that tranny beer Bud Light. Overhead music is nothing but Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, Wayne Newton, Loretta Lynn (yup, surprised me, too) Kanye West, Jason Aldean, Billy Ray Cyrus, Nicki Minaj and a bunch of tertiary artists we’ve never heard of.

We love your photos, and we have lots of fun opportunities for you. For example, you want to look like Jesus? TLB got ya!

Wanna look like a doctor? We got ya!

Wanna look like you work for the Red Cross? You’re not gonna believe this…

 

We also have a new cardboard standee of JD Vance for photo ops. Much like the real thing, it just stands there, not accomplishing anything. Wait, is that thing breathing?!? Fuck, I'll be right back.

Speaking of JDV, we have the sexiest damn couch cushions in town! All of our seating is reinforced for the typical MAGA customers “carriage.” RFK sure has a lot of work to do! Speaking of, we just got in some racoon penis for your own study. They also work great as tooth picks and ear wax removers. You wanna see our Health Inspections? Ha, we don’t need ‘em because we MAHA!

We’re also exclusively offering a commemorative 2026 FIFA Peace Prize replica. Like the real thing, you don’t even have to earn it or start more wars! A steal at $599, or personalized for $899. Looks great in the basement.

Make your own Tiny Hands jokes with this one

The Annex also has high class bathrooms for the discriminating MAGA customer. All hand sanitizer has been replaced with spray tan (the non causing cancer and dementia kind, we’re pretty sure.) Plenty of deodorant. Your bathroom also features airplane bottles of bleach in case you’re feeling COVIDy. There’s also some weird holes in the walls we’re not too sure about.

The Annex also has it’s own menu, with some items spelled out phonetically. (No, friend, there actually is no ‘t’ in ‘filet.’) Your dedicated bar has ice. Lots of ice. Lots and lots of ice. Please don’t be alarmed if your ice appears yellow, the EPA is pretty lax around here. Please note, there may be a slight upcharge in the beer because of the Straight of Hormuz situation. But, hey, that’s the “sacrifice for national security” y’all so happy to be paying at the pumps, right? Also, the Annex does not recycle. We take all the garbage and throw in it in the green space across the street. And it just magically floats away…

Since I am an empathic soul, I do my best to hire the ‘unhirables’ here at The Lowered. People who don’t have a ton of skill, experience and likely wouldn’t be hired anywhere else. Please be patient with them. They may even look familiar. Their names are Kristy, Pam, Greg and Todd. Please don’t be short with them, especially Greg. I had some woman in here last week looking for a job named Mullania? (The woman, not the job.)

I would also not be doing my job if I didn’t bring up that the Annex (really, I gotta come up with a better name for it) is available to rent. We can accommodate large groups. Hell, we had a fine group meeting here last Tuesday. Pretty sure these are a bunch of our regulars as well.

A fine bunch of folks

These crazy kids from Charlottesville are booked for next month. Hope Home Depot is well stocked.

So please keep The Lowered Bar and our Annex in mind for your food, drink, meeting and satire needs. The Annex can be accessed under the new construction of the White House Ballroom. See you at Happy Hour!

 

PAC Extras

This is one of those rare times when an idea comes to me, and I can be happy with what I bang out in a relatively short amount of time.

AI, JFC, let’s talk about it. Clearly, a lot of these pictures are AI. (Pay close attention, because there are easter eggs in just about all of them.) Some of the ideas turned out spot on, other ones not so much. For example, AI won’t let me use the actual picture of Trump’s documented poorly attended inaugurations, so it gets to be an actual dialog with the AI to get what I want. The hoops I had to jump through just for the newspaper image was stupid.

As a result of all the research for the pictures and ideas, I had to Google and AI some redic terms. For example, my vision for the first picture was to AI that sign over an old timey bar entrance. Guess what, can’t do that, at least if you’re not the president. And as a result of the ‘discussion’ I had with 2 AIs, I’m pretty sure I’ll get a knock on my door right after this goes live. Next time, someone remind me to keep track of what I have to Google/ask AI, because on the surface, I am sure it raises a red flag somewhere. But hopefully in a funny way.

Another easter egg I’m sure no one will get is the Permalink. Don’t worry, I didn’t know what that was at first as well. It’s a search engine optimization (SEO) trick that, theoretically, makes the post easier to find. The thought is to title the post so it pops up easier in search engines. If I just left it as it is, the title would appear something like Yes-Lowered-Bar-is-MAGA-Friendly. Which pops nowhere. Instead, in my usual underappreciated wit and brilliance, the permalink is MAGA-Friendly-bars-near-me. My hope is it finds a bigger audience based on people searching that term. Currently, Google “only” lists 86,000 results for that term. You see the joke now?

Pam Bondi Ignores Congress, Thinks She's Better Than You

Another slow day here at the Lowered. By default, I leave an all-news channel on one of the TVs. Bad news is great for alcohol sales, lemme tell ya. When suddenly, a big, bright, red banner appears. “Breaking News.” Which happens a lot on all these 24-hour news channels. And during this pathetic presidency. Again, I have to wonder, “How has the bar been lowered today?” Well, check this out:

So Pam Bondi has ignored her subpoena. After she was fired.

Yup, I made this.

WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING STOCK MARKET NOW, PAM??

She can go fuck herself.

Wait, what? You want more words about this? The above isn’t concise enough analysis? Fine. This in no way will devolve into unbridled happiness. At least for the time being.

This is restrained joy for sure. The victory is temporary. For yet another in a long line of red dunce hat wearing unqualified candidates is surely coming. Any fucking brain-dead moron can have a Kash..uh, cush job in this administration. Trump is the opposite of Indeed, he has a list of the worst candidates to choose from. Can both sides agree this constant parade of hiring unsuitable pinheads, only for them to fuck up even by Orangey’s low standards and be replaced by another dipshit is highly counterproductive? Is the only hiring requirement is the wearing of a red hat? A yellow spine? A spine at all? Like what asshat would want this job?

AI image I title.....Clown Factory. 

I have decided to apply for her job. Whatever it is. Honestly, I just need the job description, AI can handle the rest. No one checks references anymore. I can’t find a job description on LinkedIn. Judging from Pam’s shitbrain performance, I imagine the qualifications are pretty bare:

 

Undying devotion to the sitting Deputy of Dementia

A nose that is brown

Ability to fuck the American people

Ability to sit through Melenia documentary

Proven ability to not answer a goddamn question

High degrees of elitism and ignorance

Aversity to accepting responsibility

Demonstrated ability to protect pedophiles

Easily bribable

Hate anyone that isn’t white. Or straight. Or republican. Or “Christian.” BTW, none of this BS is “Christian” no matter how deep you hide in the bible, heathen.

 

OK, so LinkedIn AI would call me a “low match.” Screw that. Without an ounce of modesty, I am exactly the hero America needs. (GD, another tagline. Also, learning to be brash and out of touch comes quite easy with a little bit of effort.) I’m pretty sure I’d make a kickass … what’s her job title again. She was horrible at it, that I remember, but what exactly was the job she was not doing? Attorney General? (She doesn’t have the aptitude to work at a Dollar General.) Speaker of the House? Press secretary?

The job she was pretending to do is pretty easy. Is it all that hard to release a bunch of files? Is it really that hard to join the rest of the free world and investigate and indict those pieces of shit in the Epstein files? Is it that hard to do what the American people -well, the middle-class ones, anyway-want you to do? If it’s my job to prosecute criminals, fuck, they’re all right there! They all work at the same place! My god, even that other family that’s been in power for generations without doing an actual thing-The Royals-are punishing their own.

I’ve been working on a theory that no one has ever seen Bondi and Karoline Leavett in the same room at the same time. (Pretty sure Ms Photogenic’s time is coming as well) There’s not 3 functioning brain cells between the both of them. Hopefully they will both be in the same room shortly enough-the unemployment office. Is there some sort of vapid cornfield somewhere where Fox News hatches “bubble headed bleached blondes?”

One has a low IQ and a turkey neck. The other one... has a low IQ and turkey neck.

You have to love’s Trump kick out the door, “she will be transitioning to a much needed and important new job in the private sector, to be announced at a date in the near future.” That’s exactly what I’m trying to do! Kismet! Can someone trumpsplain to me how exactly one transitions to an important job to be announced in the future? Maybe she can replace Stifler’s mom as the empty-headed ditz in the Discover commercials?

There’s so many qualified Americans looking for decent jobs. In no world should a soulless goblin like her get any sort of job before the rest of us.

Her and Noem now have the time to have a bougey brunch where they can talk and realize they were the cancer and never the answer. Karma, ya got a real solid start with Noem’s husband, waiting to see your angle with Bondi.

It comes as a shock to no one Bondi is still classless; trying to weasel out of a subpoena. Pretty sure subpoenas are issued to people, not titles, Pam. We can see the Trump elitism in full effect with her efforts to shrug any and all responsibility. C_O_W_A_R_D. How many people were subpoenaed for the Epstein hearings? Bondi, the same moron who couldn’t acknowledge the Epstein survivors in the room also can’t comply with a legal request. The takeaway here is, if I’m ever subpoenaed, there is legal precedent to say, “Crew, totes sorry, but this was issued to a title, which is not me. I gotta go audition for a Discover ad. Best of luck! #blessed.” I’m running out of negative words to describe this cow abortion of an almost human. Can y’all please Mad Lib me some new ones?

History is busy keeping track of all of this. You can fall for the bluster or use a shred of common sense to see the cartoonish level of evil we’re reaching here. If you’re OK with all this, that speaks nothing to your politics and everything to you as a person. At the end of the day, do you identify as a title or a person?

 

PAC Content

Yes, this is a bit dated (originally started on 4/8), but damn, I can’t keep up with Felon 34’s constant lowering of the bar. There is so much stuff to get to, I can’t keep up with the material.

To the above, just so happened today was the day Bondi ignored Congress. That was the sign to finish this up and get it out. So, yes, there is a rush element to this one, but also some solid jokes I’m tired of sitting on. This is a one man operation; which is also likely my readership.

As mentioned, I have more ideas being worked on that I am really excited about. I should get all them out in 2 weeks

So I Went To a No Kings Rally Today

 

So I did something today I never ever felt like I would have to do. I went to a rally. One of the many No Kings rallies. Before I get too far into it, let’s address the tropiest of the rally tropes.

Yes, on an individual level, attending any political rally doesn’t change the world. Policies don’t all of a sudden change, injustices aren’t undone. Agreed. It’s an individual action. And sure, when many millions of individuals attend such rallies, the optic is great, but it’s fair to question just what really changes. But if there’s one thing that is always uber important to the MAGAts is numbers. Specifically, the highest of numbers and the lowest of numbers. With that logic, I actually agree with them on a few of the highs and lows:

Actually, he looks better.

The highest and the most:

Most numbers of felonies of a president

Most mentions in the Epstein files

Most days in a government shutdown

Most presidential pardons-

Also leading to the most arrests of previous pardons; mostly for drugs and diddling kids

Highest unemployment

Most impeached president-of all time!

Highest gas prices, only trending higher

Highest national debt, only trending higher

Most hats worn inappropriately

Most televised naps

Most meaningless awarded president

Highest numbers of days golfing, which of course leads to

Most Mar a Lago golf championships won!

Fuck, do you really need me to keep going?

 

The lowest and the least:

Lowest presidential approval numbers, so bad MAGA had to buy Gallop to stop reporting the sub 30% numbers

Least amount of taxes filed

Lowest amount of campaign promises delivered

Lowest golf score on any course on the east coast. And just for context on this, since 1/20/25, Orange Judas has been golfing over 24% of his term. At a cost of more than $90 million to the US tax payers. 

Least amount of responsibility for any bad decisions he made

Lowest amount of TSA employees paid

 

We all on the same page now? Good.

 

Look, let’s give the Orange Goblin some credit. He has been truly masterful at identifying his demographic and empowering them. That demo of course being the scared, stupid, racist, antisemite, misogynist, incel, snowflake, weak, ignorant. We do owe him a debt for inadvertently exposing all the morons among us. Ever hear the term “nazi’ as much when he wasn’t president? No. You remember all the millions of people organizing protests against Biden, Obama, either Bush, Clinton? Nope.

I'm not a Flyers fan, but I would happily let Gritty be my Orange Overlord.

You’re free to disagree with any of the above. For research, I will point you to the comments section of any No Kings post. All snowflakes crowing about their felon king. I guess they’re also onboard with gas prices going north of $4? (Which of course will spike the price of just about everything else.) 401ks shrinking? Weakening environmental policies? How easy they clung to Pizza Gate, yet how hard they ignore the Epstein files. It’s truly sad, but not surprising these snowflakes feel enabled to talk shit, while their very rights are being taken away. Some of the people some of the time…

How important this time is in history. People who literally can't stand are making their stand in 45 degree weather. That's how much this means to her. 

What’s left of legit media will report with great vigor the numbers and visuals on the NK rallies. Right wing media will largely ignore it like they did Trump’s heinous Robert Mueller tweet. Stay classy, MAGA! You wear your hypocrisy better than your made in China MAGA dunce hats. Pretend president will watch and sulk, likely rage tweet. I fully expect him to go off about today. The Iran war will continue to get messy, prices will continue to rise, unemployment. But, yep, No Kings is the real issue. It’s our fault. I wish the people still falling for this distraction will buy the Brooklyn Bridge from me. Sorry, the Trump Brooklyn Bridge.

OK, so my first rally thoughts:

Unofficial results; approximately 65% support in the form of horns honking, lights flashing, thumbs up/fist pumps in the car, positive yelling from the cars.

I only saw 3 negative reactions; 2 fingers and one thumbs down

If I saw 9 Teslas, 5 of them honked in support

Organizers said there were “a lot more protesters this time than last time.”

I am shocked there were no car accidents.

 

I’m glad I went. I do feel hope and optimism for the immediate future, though those tend to be very empty emotions. I felt the sense of camaraderie and belonging. I showed up, waved my sign, celebrated the support, laughed at the fingers, felt encouraged. Still 5/5. Would go again. We’re still left with what did we change? Will those honks equate to votes? As far as what next. Primaries happen between May and August.

See you there?

MarkWayne MullinIs NotA ToughGuy (and quite possibly the best idea I've ever had)

 College basketball is on all the TVs here at The Lowered. Unpopular take; I don’t get college hoops. I mean, I appreciate there’s sports during the day; nice to take a break from Maury. Damn it, I thought for sure that guy was the father! Anyway, hoops; here’s what I don’t get. The game can be exciting, but then you get to the final 2 minutes and it ddrraggss. Are there infinite time outs? Talk about a momentum killer. Then come the intentional fouls. Then the free throws. Then the sixth timeout. Then a foul. Then the sun comes up and it’s Saturday and gas is $5 a gallon. Yea, this is a pass for me.

The bar is shockingly show; it’s like no one knows this place exists. There’s just one loser here. Well, I mean I’m here, so maybe there’s two losers here. Over his beer he starts a conversation with me. “Say, this is better than what was on TV yesterday, huh?” I know what he’s talking about. For shizzle, does every bar get this? “Yes, that was not encouraging,” I respond. “So, what did you think?” he asks me. Fine. Here we go.

Yesterday was the confirmation hearing of Grump nominee MarkWayne Mullin to succeed (sorry, success if not a word we attribute to this administration) replace former head of DHS Kristy Noem. You can read all about her here. In the interest of not warbling on and getting right to the point, you can read about his political career up to 2024 in the PAC Content below.

In January 2025, although Mullin had said that Capitol rioters who committed violent crimes "need to pay for that", upon being asked about Trump's pardon of Capitol attack defendants, he replied: "Well, are we making a big deal about the pardons that Biden put in place? That'd be worse." OK, now that we’re all caught up, let’s start here. Imma shortening his name to MM because it’s easier. And the whole MarkWayne name for some reason reminds me of DarkWing Duck. I can’t be the only one thinking this, right? Anywhoo, MM is mostly famous for this picture of bravery and valor in action.

 

Now, to be clear, this is probably all of us if we were in the Capital on J6. I don’t have any issues with this. What I do have an issue with is clearly MM is scared out of his mind. So why is he not screaming for the prosecution of the J6ers? Where is his frail line of demarcation to show some cajónes and call for responsibility, instead of spinelessly falling into lock step with Dementia Don? I’m not making any of this up (that’s their job), this is all his actions or lack there of. Something something actions speak something something.

Shouldn’t he have been happy to meet all the J6ers? These are your people. They are coming for your sake! Why on earth would you be hiding? They have red hats and want to talk about Joe Rogan with you. You dodge the “who won in 2020” question to this day. (Foreshadowing.) Him and Trump speak the same language; stupid. He’s a Trump pick through and through. I imagine these two can talk for an hour and have no idea what the other one said.

Can we please stop lining up candidates like it’s still the Apprentice? The government should not be an attempt to staff it via a reality show. Yes, the pattern has been established with the appointment of Omarosa Newman to as the director of communications for the White House Office of Public Liaison. “What’s that? You’re unqualified for this job AND I know you? You get a rose!”  Markwing strikes me as the kinda guy that has no clue how to run a government entity but probably knows every minute detail of the new season of The Bachelorette. In a joke that has now aged fortuitously, the Bachelorette is already in her second interview for a Trump cabinet position.

He claims to be Indian, but I feel like it’s more a case of a Cleveland Indian, than say the purported Cherokee. 

If there’s anything we’ve learned from Lord Tiny Hands is no one is from here, so I would like to see some substantiating paperwork from Mr. Mullin. Stuff like driver’s license, birth certificate, etc. I mean, if he’s on board with all this documentation to vote, surely, he has no issue proving he was born here. Though, I do wonder, what is his Indian name? Blanco Coward? Low Chief Blow Hard? Raging Bullshit? New Friend of Fetterman? Mahpe Heova'e? Hiding Skunk? 

Points if you get this reference.

Back to the hearing, here are just a few red flags that red hats are failing to see.

When previously pressed on the killing of Alex Pretti, Mullin called him a “deranged individual.” When asked about this at yesterday’s confirmation hearing, Mullin said, “I shouldn’t have said that. That one, I went out there too fast. I was responding immediately without the facts. That’s my fault.” The 2 red flags here

1)     If you “shouldn’t have said that,” why did it take you 2 months to figure that out?

2)     By his own admission, he “responded immediately without the facts.” Is that what we want from the potential new head of DHS/Gestapo? Does this not sound like Noem all over again? Or maybe we should “set this aside and move forward.” (Foreshadowing)

On his relationship with Felon 34: Mullin grew emotional as he spoke about the president checking in on Mullin’s son after his traumatic brain injury in 2020, when his son lost much of his memory and muscle control. “I am going to try to get through it without crying,” Mullin said, responding to a question from Wisconsin Republican Sen. Ron Johnson about where his loyalty to Trump originated. “We almost lost him. For 26 hours he had an extremely low pulse, there was a time that they thought they lose his pulse altogether,” Mullin recalled. Trump, he said, changed the trajectory of his son’s life, offering to send his “personal plane” to take him to a top neurorehabilitation center and frequently followed up with them.

Of course, the disgusting fact of the matter is that both these jackals are OK with taking away our insurance. Let that fucking hit for a minute. If it’s my (nonexistent) kid getting a brain injury, no one is going to send a plane to take him to a top doctor. But, thoughts and prayers, ya know? Totally sickening and two faced. Let’s not forget the current golfing president also openly mocked a disabled reporter 11 years ago. AND this week also made fun of Newsom’s learning disabilities. Clearly, Orangey has not evolved at all. You would think with all his disabilities…

There was also this exchange (lifted from CNN) with Republican Paul Rand: During Mullin’s grilling by some of his Senate colleagues Wednesday, Paul reprised a long-simmering feud in which Mullin called him a “snake” and said he “understood” why Paul’s neighbor had attacked him in 2017. Paul also cited a 2023 hearing in which Mullin appeared prepared to physically fight a witness.“I was shocked that you would justify and celebrate this violent assault that caused me so much pain and my family so much pain. I just wonder if someone who applauds violence against their political opponents is the right person to lead an agency that has struggled to accept limits to the proper use of force,” Paul of Kentucky told Mullin during the hearing. Repeatedly, Paul pressed Mullin to apologize for his comments, but Mullin refused. Instead, Mullin argued the pair should “set it aside,” and move forward with considering his nomination.

My take? “Fuck you, I’m not apologizing.” Regardless, MM is a longtime politician and is lockstep with “say anything to get elected, then fuck it all when in office.” What does it say that in the year 2026 in a country like America, a qualifying question for public office is “Do you believe Trump won the 2020 elections?” Yup, that’s the line of delineation between someone with a firm grasp on reality and a fucking crackpot. And for as much “evidence” you can’t find that it was “stolen”, there’s 10 times the evidence (and failed lawsuits) that prove otherwise. Spoiler alert, like his predecessor, he didn’t answer. Or couldn’t. Or was told not to. Someone should have asked him softball questions like “Do you believe in science?” “Is the world flat or round?” “Is water wet?” The bimbo factor is the same with him and Noem.

Shouldn’t be lost Operation Epstein Distraction is apparently enough to stop the release of the files, but not enough to stop this sham.

He is the type of guy to buy the newest WWE video game on day 1 and spend 7 hours creating himself for the game. The he goes on to beat the shit out of all the smaller guys and Latinos. And then probably all the women.

Speaking of, why da fuq hasn’t anyone thought of this sooner?!? These games now are so deep in their creation mode, I’m sure someone can create a Mullin, Miller, Vance, etc. And then everyone can beat the everloving shit out of them! Seriously, this is a great idea. Can one of you computer nerds get on this? Or at least share this with someone who can make it happen? And don’t worry about creating me; I’m pretty much a doppelganger for that handsome devil Seth Rollins. We both have a thing for hot redheads.

Rare shot of author. (Also, don't ask me how much time I spent with me, Becky Lynch and AI)

He’s the Karen just looking to get triggered and go off on some pour soul. He’ll Karen (yes, I’m using that as a verb, this can’t be the first time, can it?) at the Jamba Juice when the new employee accidentally uses pea protein instead of whey protein. “This is ridiculous! Because of you being stupid, I now deserve my Mango a Go Go for free! Where is Mr. Jamba, I demand to speak with him NOW! You don’t wanna go with me dude! You wanna go? You wanna GO?”

Word has it he was 25 minutes late his first day because he couldn’t get out of the revolving door. The second day he was 35 minutes late.

Like every other sycophant, his job is to gleam the headlines of Fox News, and still not get the story straight. This tool can’t even keep Iran and Iraq separate. He thinks the Flock of Seagulls biggest hit is “Iraq.” Here’s the proof

This is a lateral move at best. We can do better. The issue is the current administration CAN’T do better.

 

PAC Content

A brief bio of MarkWing’s political ascent: Just who is MarkWayne Mullin? Research and the University of Wikipedia tell me: he was first elected to Congress in 2012, Mullin hosted House Talk, a home improvement radio program on Tulsa station KFAQ that was syndicated across Oklahoma. He also owned various businesses in addition to Mullin Plumbing, including Mullin Properties, Mullin Farms, and Mullin Services.

In 2012, Mullin reported between $200,000 and $2 million in income from two family companies, and another $15,000 to $50,000 from shares he held in a bank. By the end of 2021, his reported assets had increased to between $31.6 million and $75.6 million. The increase was from the sale of his plumbing-related companies to HomeTown Services. Mullin said the sale happened in early 2021, while he was serving in the House of Representatives. In August 2022, Mullin came out against President Joe Biden's student loan forgiveness plan but was criticized after the White House Twitter account pointed out that he had benefited from $1.4 million of federal PPP loan forgiveness

I hope y’all realized I’m using a bunch of imagery from the visionary They Live movie, starring the great Rowdy Roddy Piper. This movie is like 40 years old, and NOT available to stream anywhere. WTF with that? A great watch for these days, go track it down, because you’ll be seeing a lot more of it here.

A lot of these TLB posts are being written to Neil Young music. I feel like we’re both at the same level of ‘old man angry.’

For the record, I tried to merge Mark’s empty head with Darkwing Duck’s body, but AI constantly blocked me. The amount of time I wasted on what should have been a simple joke tells me I desperately need a job.

Also, AI won't allow much with current or previous political figures. I was working out a visual for Trump to be giving out roses like he was on the Bachelor, but it wasn't allowed. That is saying something when Sundown Don can get that disgusting image of the Obamas made. Shows a lot of clear intention.

Not to blow my own horn here, but I do love that revolving door joke.

Let's Make Up Some More Jobs for Kristy Noem!

Guy slides up a stool. “What’s your thoughts on Kristy Noem?” he asks me. I wonder what kind of bar I started where I have to do all the talking. That’s how The Lowered Bar works; strong drinks and even stronger opinions. (Damn, where was that line for my Taglines post?) Fine, get comfortable, my friends.

Short version; she is yet another example in a cookie cutter line of unqualified people making poor decisions that hurt the rest of us. We shouldn’t be surprised by the mess she made, the deaths she caused and the shitshow she left. Like most people in this administration, she’s too vapid to take responsibility for her actions. She lived for the glitz while adding nothing of any value.

She’s from South Dakota, where she was a state representative, then US representative for their at-large congressional district, then somehow their governor from 2019-2025. Does South Dakota have no means of communication to alert the other 49 what a shitshow she is? You would think when she largely ignored the COVID pandemic, that would have got rid of a fair amount of idiots. Yet, here we are. Here we are.

Recent White House approved shot of Kristy Noem and MarkWayne Mullin

I’ll get on my soapbox again, briefly. As a very qualified individual, the fact I can’t land a job, while this twatwaffle pulls down a hefty check for fucking things up is offensive. It’s fucking vulgar that this nitwit has ANY job. If she’s making 47 cents, that’s 48 cents too much. But, no, she’s raking in way more than that to literally do nothing of any consequence. Outside dressing up and expensing Glamour Shots. I certainly didn’t lose my job due to the economy. Or rising gas prices. Or rising prices of -insert pretty much anything here. Or a struggling stock market. Or inflation. Or supply chain issues. Or rising health care costs.

Yea, it pisses me off that I’m good at whatever the hell my “real” job title is, and this wacko goes right over to another cushy job. I have Lucite awards with my name on it from previous jobs. Fucking Lucite! Surely, that carries just as much weight as a FIFA Peace Prize. For most of us working stiffs, this is offensive. Why don’t I know some pedo tyrant who can give me a made up job at a made up business? I’ve gotta find a worse class of friends.

Anywhoo, we all know the deal; she is appointed to DHS, she fosters a shadow police force to do Trump’s bidding, innocent people disappear, no red states are targeted, Americans die and their killers have yet to face justice, and the spiral goes downward. Man, I find myself getting very angry again as I try to recap what is happening in America in 2026. She does such a spectacularly bad job, president Pedo has to fire, um, “move” her. To a job that doesn’t exist. For an entity that doesn’t exist. I guess this is his way of saying he’s addressing the historically high unemployment rate. And I guarandamntee you she’s making more money than all of my readers combined, for doing no work. Unsubstantiated reports said Noem was so shocked at her firing, she shed tears of botox. 

Steven Tyler has really let himself go.

Karma, I don’t know where the fuck you are, but you are overdue to comeback and tip the scales here. 

Right now, life for me is pouring a ton and time and effort into 2 seemingly futile pursuits, getting an impactful job and writing an impactful blog. At least I have become pretty familiar with a bunch of jobs out there. And it got me thinking of a theme night here at The Lowered.

Let’s all make up nonexistent jobs Kristy Noem can actually perform! Because making fun of incompetence is what we do. (GD, another tagline.)

That one positive review for Melania doc

The woman on the other side of that cat meme

"Kristy Noem could never replace me!"
"Her dog thought that, too."

A human mannequin if she passes the aptitude test

An anchor. Like, for a ship anchor. There’s lots of ships in the Strait of Hormuz right now.

A garden Noem. She’s great at standing around and doing nothing.

Yes, there really are Hitler inspired garden gnomes. Still have hope for the world?

Make her Chief of Tactical Weapons And Tactics Squad 

 

OK, guys, we’re having fun with this. Let us also take the high road and show a smidge of empathy to Ms. Noem. Maybe there’s actually some jobs she may be good at. Why is everyone laughing? OK, I’ll go first.

The after picture of botched plastic surgery

 

Honestly, which side is before and which is after?

Marriage counselor

Dodgeball instructor

She already displayed the qualities needed to be a dog euthanizer.

A real deal, legit (term loosely used there) ICE agent. Let’s make the cosplay real, Barbie!

Paid plant at Trump rallies

Cosmetics tester-preferably for the hazardous ones

Teaching political ethics course. At Trump University.

We all know she’ll probably end up with a show on Fox or OAN.

 

“Yea, all great ideas, Kev. So whaddya think of her replacement MarkWayne Mullin?”

Ugh, pour a tall one for that. I think that’s the next post. Cheers till next time.

 

PAC Content

I’m not one to pimp out my writing, but my next post has quite possibly my best idea ever. Or at least this year. OK, week, but still, you don’t wanna miss it.

Also, as a special thank you, I’m using KI (used to call it AI) to make slides based on this post. I believe this link should take you to it. It’s quite entertaining to see how KI constructed an entire, official looking deck for my post. For you more visual learners. Holler if this link doesn't work 

https://notebooklm.google.com/notebook/65616084-e901-4d97-8c1d-51b1dba07a74?artifactId=bcc8882f-3af6-4361-a587-af3dfa2b0532

No one picking up on the movie reference yet? I haz a disappoint.

Updated the look, still have work to do, but I hope it's a bit more pleasing.