Guy slides up a stool. “What’s your thoughts on Kristy Noem?” he asks me. I wonder what kind of bar I started where I have to do all the talking. That’s how The Lowered Bar works; strong drinks and even stronger opinions. (Damn, where was that line for my Taglines post?) Fine, get comfortable, my friends.
Short version; she is yet another example in a cookie cutter
line of unqualified people making poor decisions that hurt the rest of us. We
shouldn’t be surprised by the mess she made, the deaths she caused and the
shitshow she left. Like most people in this administration, she’s too vapid to
take responsibility for her actions. She lived for the glitz while adding
nothing of any value.
She’s from South Dakota, where she was a state
representative, then US representative for their at-large congressional
district, then somehow their governor from 2019-2025. Does South Dakota have no
means of communication to alert the other 49 what a shitshow she is? You would
think when she largely ignored the COVID pandemic, that would have got rid of a
fair amount of idiots. Yet, here we are. Here we are.
 |
| Recent White House approved shot of Kristy Noem and MarkWayne Mullin |
I’ll get on my soapbox again, briefly. As a very qualified
individual, the fact I can’t land a job, while this twatwaffle pulls down a
hefty check for fucking things up is offensive. It’s fucking vulgar that this
nitwit has ANY job. If she’s making 47 cents, that’s 48 cents too much. But,
no, she’s raking in way more than that to literally do nothing of any
consequence. Outside dressing up and expensing Glamour Shots. I certainly
didn’t lose my job due to the economy. Or rising gas prices. Or rising prices of
-insert pretty much anything here. Or a struggling stock market. Or inflation.
Or supply chain issues. Or rising health care costs.
Yea, it pisses me off that I’m good at whatever the hell my “real”
job title is, and this wacko goes right over to another cushy job. I have
Lucite awards with my name on it from previous jobs. Fucking Lucite! Surely, that carries just as much weight as a FIFA Peace Prize. For most
of us working stiffs, this is offensive. Why don’t I know some pedo tyrant who
can give me a made up job at a made up business? I’ve gotta find a worse class
of friends.
Anywhoo, we all know the deal; she is appointed to DHS, she
fosters a shadow police force to do Trump’s bidding, innocent people disappear,
no red states are targeted, Americans die and their killers have yet to face
justice, and the spiral goes downward. Man, I find myself getting very angry
again as I try to recap what is happening in America in 2026. She does such a
spectacularly bad job, president Pedo has to fire, um, “move” her. To a
job that doesn’t exist. For an entity that doesn’t exist. I guess this is his
way of saying he’s addressing the historically high unemployment rate. And I
guarandamntee you she’s making more money than all of my readers combined, for
doing no work. Unsubstantiated reports said Noem was so shocked at her firing, she shed tears of botox.
 |
| Steven Tyler has really let himself go. |
Karma, I don’t know where the fuck you are, but you are
overdue to comeback and tip the scales here.
Right now, life for me is pouring a ton and time and effort
into 2 seemingly futile pursuits, getting an impactful job and writing an
impactful blog. At least I have become pretty familiar with a bunch of jobs out
there. And it got me thinking of a theme night here at The Lowered.
Let’s all make up nonexistent jobs Kristy Noem can actually
perform! Because making fun of incompetence is what we do. (GD, another
tagline.)
That one positive review for Melania doc
The woman on the other side of that cat meme
 |
| "Kristy Noem could never replace me!" "Her dog thought that, too." |
A human mannequin if she passes the aptitude test
An anchor. Like, for a ship anchor. There’s lots of ships in
the Strait of Hormuz right now.
A garden Noem. She’s great at standing around and doing
nothing.
 |
| Yes, there really are Hitler inspired garden gnomes. Still have hope for the world? |
Make her Chief of Tactical Weapons And Tactics Squad
OK, guys, we’re having fun with this. Let us also take the
high road and show a smidge of empathy to Ms. Noem. Maybe there’s actually some
jobs she may be good at. Why is everyone laughing? OK, I’ll go first.
The after picture of botched plastic surgery
 |
| Honestly, which side is before and which is after? |
Marriage counselor
Dodgeball instructor
She already displayed the qualities needed to be a dog
euthanizer.
A real deal, legit (term loosely used there) ICE agent.
Let’s make the cosplay real, Barbie!
Paid plant at Trump rallies
Cosmetics tester-preferably for the hazardous ones
Teaching political ethics course. At Trump University.
We all know she’ll probably end up with a show on Fox or
OAN.
“Yea, all great ideas, Kev. So whaddya think of her
replacement MarkWayne Mullin?”
Ugh, pour a tall one for that. I think that’s the next post.
Cheers till next time.
PAC Content
I’m not one to pimp out my writing, but my next post has
quite possibly my best idea ever. Or at least this year. OK, week, but still,
you don’t wanna miss it.
Also, as a special thank you, I’m using KI (used to call it AI) to make slides based on this post. I believe this link should take you to it. It’s quite entertaining to see how KI constructed an entire, official looking deck for my post. For you more visual learners. Holler if this link doesn't work
No one picking up on the movie reference yet? I haz a
disappoint.
Updated the look, still have work to do, but I hope it's a bit more pleasing.
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