Unhappy Hour 9/16/26

 

It’s Wednesday night, which means one thing. Tomorrow is Thursday. Wait, no, that’s not it. WTF, I’m shit for openings today, so let’s just get right to it.

This is the first of the occasional Unhappy Hours here at the ol’ LB. Unhappy Hour is an occasional series of quick jokes, one liners, the occasional meme (homemade or a good one I saved) mixed with a healthy amount of piss and vinegar. Wait, IS there a healthy amount of piss and vinegar? Well, you know who would know? (He’s the second picture down.)  Unhappy Hour can be angry, insightful, frustrated. Half baked points that I can’t blow up to full posts. Honestly, with the amount of clown shoes this corrupt administration pumps out, it’s hard to keep up. This is my best attempt at quick, timely points before they are replaced with more clown shoes. I hope you enjoy.

 

 

 

3 MAGA walk into a bar

Bartender says, “Hey, fellas what’ll ya have.”

The magas quickly look at their phone, look back to the bartender, and say nothing.

A bit unnerved, the bartender again asks, “Hey, guys, what can I get you?”
Again, the 3 sheep look at their phones, and blankly look back at the bartender.

A regular calls the bartender over and says, “They’re waiting for Donald to tell them what to say.”

 

How corrupt are Republicans if their only idea to win an election is to rig an election

 

There has been a recent and unprecedented surge of food recalls; lettuce (that’s a vegetable), freaking ice cream, blueberries, Jalapenos among others. There has not been this many documented cases of measles since the 1990s. Wanna guess what the common denominator is?

"OK, I'm sure there is a healthy amount of piss and vinegar...take the amount of piss...divided by the vinegar....subtract 600% of the sodium....

Yup. So someone please remind me how all if this is MAHA. Sadly, this is more like HAHA, but we all suffer.

 

Renaming a lake doesn’t fix school shootings, inflation, price of gas, forever war, unemployment

Renaming a gulf doesn’t lower taxes, make insurance more affordable, restore Medicare/Medicaid.

How does any of this nonsense help us commoners? It doesn’t. Address women’s rights, racial inequality, ecological issues, restore infrastructure.  But,-yippie-we have Lake America now! Good thing we at least don’t have to fix it like the reflecting pool.

More like

AmIright?

 

I have Halloween animatronics more alive than Mitch McConnell

 

Shameless these Republicans don’t have a spine, but wait till Trump leaves- how fast they will turn on him. They’re doing it already.

 

 

Gulf of America. Nope

Lake America. Nope

Idiot of America. Yup

As a result, I am petitioning to rename United States of America to either

United Shithole of America or Southern Canada

 

MAGA “WWAAHHH! Elections will be fixed! WWAHHH”
Finally dawns on them the Bue Wave is coming.
MAGA “Uh, we’ll PAY you to vote for us.”

Anyone else see the failure of logic here?

 

 

So, um....who is corrupting the midterms now?

Yup, look familiar? I based it on this.

MAGA is so desperate, they have to resort of the hilariously empty promise to PAY voters to support their shit.

Are we supposed to conveniently forget we never got DOGE checks? Or tariff refunds? Or that even the offer is highly illegal. He also promised a middle class tax cut in the run up to 2018 midterms. Any guesses how empty that promise was?

 

 

 

Man, it does suck a lot of us have lived through 4 of the darkest days in US history

September 11, 2001

January 20, 2017

January 6,2021

January 20, 2025

PAC Content

Quick hit style. A lot of these have just been lying around, and I wanted to get them out before the next episode of nonsense. Yes, looking at you new conspiracy theory of the Butler shooting. And the Kash Patel hearings. And the Kennedy Center. And Eric's wedding sponsor.

Be sure to smash that subscribe button!

Coming soon-TLB fall merch drop, and a piece currently titled "What the Right Always Gets Wrong; And What We Need To Learn From It." Or another such haughty title. Can't wait for no one to read it.

Positive Affirmations; The Don'ts

 

OK, so last week, we were reeking of positivity because of the stuff we could do. This week, we are equally as awesome, being super positive with the things we don’t do. Some can say life comes down to choices. And sometimes the actions you don’t take can be just as powerful as the actions you do take. For example; don’t be a dick. Don’t do any harm. Don’t be a racist. Don’t be a pedophile. I think you get the point.

In case you’re new around here, the inspiration for this came from last week’s post.

Imma save you all the words stuff, and just hit you with the visuals.

Yes, there does seem to be an unhealthy attachment going on here.

 

Came from the same party.

Yea, I don’t think this supporter will be swayed by an empty 5K promise.

We don’t know, either, champ.

Truth, my friend. 100% with you. Only getting higher because of the Iran war that ended 2 weeks ago. For those keeping track, the war in Iran started Feb 28. Even with Trump math, that’s a bit more than 2 weeks.

The staff is divided over just how genuine this comment may be.

Wait! Is that a fucking tooth there?!

 

Due to the overwhelming success and support of our #BetterThanTrump campaign, we also branched out and got coasters made.

Cannot confirm or deny 4Imprint hooked us up with these.

A true lowering of the bar, for sure.

Our feelings may have been hurt by this one. But then we noticed the misspellings.

Yea, this one…we…cock and balls….dunno

 

PAC Content

Visual heavy this time for all the visual learners. A bit quick and dirty this time

The problem with this joke of an administration is that there is some new fiasco just about every day. It’s hard to keep up with. I already have 2 more posts in the process-the fall merch drop and a story about what we can learn from the right jumping on the fake news that AOC and Mamdani were laughing during the reading of the names at the 9/11 remembrance. I got LOTS of thoughts on that one.

And I have a half baked Unhappy Hour that may be ready before all of that. (Why, yes, I AM still looking for a job, how ever would you know? That being said, I still write far less than the Orange Blob of Dementia.)

I know these visuals are small when viewed on the phone. Sorry about that. I'm working on correcting it and should have it fixed. In two weeks.

Positive Affirmations

 

Look, it ain’t easy being a face for The Resistance. On top of all of that, I got a business to run. And if you want a successful anything, the best way to do it is to surround yourself with extraordinary people. And as the hiring manager here at the good ol’ LB, I gotta say I have a great time with them. Business managers, front of house, cooks, bartenders, waitstaff. And the secret to our success? Easy, I use what I call the Anti-Republican Method. As a visual, here’s the current (always apt to change, amIrite?) Cabinet.

This is what lack of diversity gets you.

Allow me to get off topic here. Look at all these “anti-woke” snowflakes. Notice any similarities? Yup, they all look the same, and look at the abject mess that has gotten us into. All you ICE supporting motherfuckers, ask what makes “America great again.” Rounding up the dirty, scary, corrupt, drug dealing illegals? Or, and follow me here, all the whites in business suits shown above who are getting rid of Medicare, protecting pedos in the Epstein files, giving tax breaks to the top 1% (of which you are NOT, BTW Cletus), wasting our tax money on renaming all sorts of things in honor of Orange Hitler, funding illegal wars, renaming historical monuments and ships. etc. Yes, God fearing Christian, the “illegal” Mexican with all her papers here legally is the bigger problem.

What was I talking about?

I hire directly against this. For example, I happily hire these people called women. I also hire these people that are of a different color than mine. And a different religion. And a different ethnicity. And a different orientation. You guys know we can do that? There’s a word for it, anyone know what it is?

Hell, I just had some white coat wearing nerd from the local gubbermint, come in with a candidate that was legally considered “mentally dumb as a shoe.” To be clear, this was Poindexter’s words. I didn’t know that was a legally binding condition, but, hey, if the gubbermint says so, it must be true, right? Especially the last few years. And guess what, I had a spot for him. I made him the manager of our red-sheep sister bar The Annex. He’s currently fucking that place up something awful, but the dwindling number of regulars can’t seem to get enough of him. Yes, those are the “some of the people” that get fooled “all of the time.” And “every damn time.”

In addition to being on the front lines, we all like to have a good time doing it. To that point, the cooks in the kitchen started something rather organic, and, welp, it’s taken off. And we’d like to share what our awesome customers have taken and run with. The story, one day, a cook made a quick white board, slapped it up on the wall. It looked like this

Which quickly lead to this:

Well, we were all enthralled with this simple sentiment. You see, when you live in the Land of Logic and Common Fucking Sense, you get shit. A lot of it. I can’t tell you how much negativity we get for speaking our mind and being on the side of history and decency. I’ve gotten TONS of hate mail about how “negative” we are.  So much, from everyone. In fact, this sums up all the vitriol (look it up) we get:

Sound like someone else's MO?

A day later, the board in our kitchen now said this:

We got some funny, funny mudderfuckers in the kitchen. Come day 3, all TLB employees wanted to get into the action. A wave of positivity was emitting from The LB. It’s like we turned on the faucet and started to overflow with positive affirmations. Of course, someone took it a bit further, and created Post It notes for us to place all around the bar:

Like the merry agents of chaos and mischief we are, we got right to it:

Oh, what fun! In addition to the smaller sizes, this soon morphed into biglier sized signs. The staff was super energized coming up with our positive affirmations and hiding them all over.

Eventually, it was bound to happen. A table of our regulars found one. They marched right up to me and said-“We want to play.” OK, we give the people what they want. Wacky idea, right? In addition to now giving the blank Post Its and signs to diners who ask, we got napkins made up as well. And, MAN, our supporters DID NOT disappoint. Much like the waves on LAKE FUCKING ONTARIO, suddenly, we were awash in positive affirmations. We’re excited to share some of the best work of our democracy loving supporters. It all started with this:

And off to the races!

 

My personal favorite

You GD know these got framed and hung in my office

OK, seriously? This next one is exactly why we don’t allow kids in the bar past 7. Take this crap to the Annex. On second thought, please NO ONE take your child to the Annex

Dayum! I wish my handwriting was as good as y’alls!

Of course, it was only a matter of time until you savages went here. Savages! (We’re not mad.)

Wow, so much positive energy here! Great work, squad. I have my crack social media team hard at work on the proper hash tag; #ImBetterThanTrump and maybe a few more. Just in time for our fall merch cash grab drop! And here’s the thing, yes we can be positive by what we do. But we can also be positive by what we DON’T do. Anyone wanna guess what  next week's post will be about?

 

PAC Content

OK, creative license, as I should have been changing the background in more pics. But I didn’t think of that until it was too late, and Gemini was being difficult, so can we let that slide?

Oh, you fucking-a KNOW part 2 is coming next week. I think I’m halfway through all the AI-which there will be a lot more of. I say ‘think’ because it keeps getting longer

Behind the curtain-I actually do keep a running file of ideas and titles for content for both my heavily ignored blogs. I have one title that I have no idea what the idea is-Karoline Leavitt Karaoke Night. I’m sure the concept was funny, though.

You can copy all the blank templates and use them on your own if you’d like.

I'm also starting of thinking a semi-regular feature called Unhappy Hour. Unhappy Hour will be quick hits, memes, thoughts, jokes, etc. Basically, quick. thoughts that don't merit a full post. Looking for feedback on this idea.